


The Adventures of En and Vy!

by wripinel



Series: The Adventures of En and Vy! [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Self-cest, Selfcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-11-06 17:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17943764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wripinel/pseuds/wripinel
Summary: Envy from the 2003 anime, and Envy from the 2009 "Brotherhood" anime, meet each other in the afterlife. Hijinks ensue.Gift for saltedsprinkles!Pure fluff and crack.





	1. Fight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Envy from 2003 uses he/him and is referred to as "Vy."
> 
> Envy from Brotherhood uses they/them and is referred to as "En."
> 
> To see the real story of En and Vy (written and drawn by saltedsprinkles and teasnake) please visit this link and enjoy! https://envy-thejealous.tumblr.com/tagged/enandvy

"Get..." En growled, dark green hair swaying in their face, "... _back_...in...the..." they shoved with all their strength, "BOX!"

A package had arrived on their doorstep, and before they'd even had a chance to open it, the contents inside had escaped. It was another Envy! 

Vy flipped up into the air and did a triple lutz before landing gracefully on his toes. "Haha, you'll have to do a lot more than that to put me back!"

En grabbed onto his legs and tried once again to somehow pretzel-fold the imposter into a more boxy shape, but Vy kicked them (gracefully) in the face and escaped from their hold.

"OUCH, YOU STUPID SON OF A—!" While En's nose was healing in a flurry of red sparks, Vy swooped in and trapped them in a headlock, grinning as he gave them a noogie. "ACK—!"

"Had enough yet?" Vy giggled.

The lower half of En's arm exploded into a massive green claw and they swung their fist up as Vy (gracefully) swan dived away. 

"STOP DOING THAT!"

"What, being more awesome than you? Hehe."

En roared and charged forward, the ground cracking and shattering with each heavy step.

"Wow you have, like, no fighting technique at all..."

As En kept swinging forward clumsily and Vy kept dodging and kicking, they both got lost in a whirlwind of fists and legs. A dustcloud formed, and all that could be seen were occasional glimpses of En's clawed hands and Vy's elegant, outstretched foot.

"YOU'RE JUST FLIPPING AROUND!"

"It works! And it looks cool! I'm so dark and mysterious..."

That box was by far the worst present En had ever received.


	2. Art




	3. Fight! Part II

"I'll kick you out of here somehow..." En pouted and crossed their arms. "This is MY room! Not yours!"

"Are you sure about that?" Vy transformed. Unlike En's loudly crackling red sparks, his transformation was much more dignified and subtle, a quick whoosh of energy.

Suddenly there was a lizard on the wall.

En blinked in confusion. "Wha—?"

The lizard began doing push-ups. "My room now."

"WHAT."

"This is how lizards mark their territory. Since you're a lizard, you should know that."

"That's so stupid, you're a moron, why on earth—"

But suddenly En crackled into red sparks and transformed into a lizard as well. One with bulbous eyes, a vertical mouth, and eight stumpy little legs. They began doing tiny push-ups. 

"It's my room, not yours! Get out!"

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?" To add insult to injury, Vy changed into the same type of lizard as En. "Here, I'll make it easier for ya."

"AAAUUGGHHH!!!" En jumped onto Vy and started trying to punch him. Vy was startled and rolled over, but punched back as well. 

After a while they were both exhausted and gave up. 

 


	4. Art

 

 

 


	5. I'm a Lizard and I Dance Dance Dance

Vy bowed and outstretched his hand in invitation. "Care for a dance?"

En put their hands on their hips and frowned. "No."

Vy stared with a blank expression for a moment, then smirked. "Is it because I'm better at dancing than you?"

En's face immediately twisted with rage and they stomped away and returned with a boombox. They set it down on the ground and flipped the power switch. Cascada started playing.

"I'll show you who's better at dancing!"

As the lyrics, " _I still feel your touch in my dreams_ ," started playing, En grabbed Vy's hand and they walked around each other in a slow dance, three feet apart, while maintaining laser focused eye contact.

_Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why..._

"You didn't beat me at push-ups, and you're not going to beat me at this either," En growled.

"I was just going easy on ya..."

_Without you it's hard to surviiiiive—_

Vy suddenly turned and dropped down low to the ground, leaving En empty handed and bewildered. "Huh?"

_'CAUSE EVERY TIME WE TOUCH, I GET THIS FEELING—_

Vy came back up and started twerking expertly onto En's crotch.

"What are you doing?!"

_AND EVERY TIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLY—_

"Dancing!" Vy twirled and began doing a set of pirouettes at the speed of light, in time with the beat of the music.

_CAN'T YOU FEEL MY HEART BEAT FAST, I WANT THIS TO LAST—_

"Stop!" En covered their eyes. "Make it stop!"

"I'm winning!"

_NEED YOU BY MY SIDE..._

The bass dropped and Vy was breakdancing all over the place. En could hardly keep track. One second he was spinning like a top with his head on the floor, next he was flipping and jumping on the ceiling, then he landed in a perfect split behind En before vanishing entirely.

'Is he back on the ceiling?' thought En. 'Where the hell did he go?' En turned around in circles and looked up, squinting suspiciously at the white plaster above.

But then Vy finally reappeared and grabbed En, dipping them backward until their hair tendrils brushed along the ground. En lost their breath as the world turned upside down.

When the music calmed down again and the lyrics returned, Vy guided En back up, but he didn't release his hold on them. They were slow dancing much more closely now, bodies brushing together as they circled back and forth.

"Impressive, huh?" Vy grinned. "If you want, I could teach you how to do that. Or well I could TRY, because let's be honest, there's no way you'll ever be as cool as—"

Completely pokerfaced, En stepped on Vy's foot with their entire weight, and Cascada was replaced by a shriek.


	6. The Pier

"Mm, that was fun!" Vy waved his cotton candy like a baton, skipping to their next destination: A pier that lay at the end of the amusement park they'd just visited.

Sunlight sparkled on the blue water, seagulls called to each other up above. The dock itself was made out of thick wooden beams, solid and strong, and spray from the waves cooled the air. Vy did a twirl and delicately sat, crossing his legs on the edge of the pier and motioning for En to join him. 

En sat down and let their feet dangle over the water. They felt the waves churning below, the mist of it getting their toes wet.

It was a beautiful place.

The only thing ruining the effect was a strange sort of...white border. It surrounded the edges of the water on the horizon, and circled behind the theme park, a kind of nothingness. It wasn't sinister. But it did seem similar to The Gate.

 _'The afterlife sure is strange,'_ En thought.

 

~ ~ ~

 

First En had woken up in that small white room. Which had been confusing, but peaceful, at least until the brown cardboard package was delivered. They remembered how foolish they were, thinking it was some kind of gift. They hadn't even had a chance to open it before Vy came leaping straight out of it with his knife-arm.

After Vy arrived, the two had figured out that anything they needed or wanted would suddenly appear in the room, like in a dream. There was no logic to the appearance or disappearance of the objects. If they needed a boombox, they got a boombox. When they didn't need it anymore, it was gone. Similarly for books and sweets, weapons and props.

It was odd at first, but the two Envies eventually grew accustomed to this dimension's rules. It made sense if you didn't pay too close attention, much like with dreams.

One day they had both decided to go outside. Once they made this decision, a door had appeared. And they discovered that what lay outside the white room was an entirely different world. 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 _'Are we in hell, or heaven?'_ En wondered. _'Must be hell if I'm stuck with him.'_

Both En and Vy were holding on to sticks of candy floss. En's was blue, while Vy's was pink. Vy looked over at En's candy with a sullen expression. 

En grinned. "Wish you'd picked this flavor, huh? It sure is delicious." They made a show of taking large bites all around the fluffy edges of the candy. "So good, mmm. I bet mine is so much better than yours~"

They didn't expect Vy to lean over and grab it from them, stuffing it into his mouth with both hands and swallowing it all in one bite. 

"HEY!"

Vy licked his lips, grinning. "You're right. It was a lot better."

En shoved Vy off the dock with one green arm. The last thing they saw was Vy's eyes and mouth widening in surprise before he disappeared into the waves below. 

At first En's immediate reaction was fear. Vy would surely kill them for this. But as the seconds went on and no head of green hair emerged from the waves, En allowed themself to giggle. Then cackle.

The image of Vy's mouth being in such a shocked "O" shape replayed in their mind and they collapsed back on the pier and clutched their stomach from the force of their laughter. But their victory did not last long. 

A gloved hand emerged from the waves, curled around En's ankle, and yanked. En slid off the pier with an alarmed shout and splashed into the water.

A few moments later a bedraggled Vy was climbing up a beam encrusted with oysters and heaving himself onto the pier. He coughed up some seawater and plucked a starfish off his leg, face pinched in disgust. Seaweed had gotten tangled in his hair.

"Ugh..." He turned around and put his hands on his hips, staring down at the waves. 

He tapped his foot, expecting En to come back up gasping and making a dramatic fool of themself in the water. But as the minutes dragged on and nothing happened, Vy tilted his head. 

"Are you playing a trick on me, you brat?"

After staring for another minute at the waves, he realized.

"Oh. You can't swim. That's right, you're too heavy...you'll just sink."

Behind him the carnival music played. Vy smirked. He looked back over his shoulder, where the amusement park still stood. 

"Eh, I'll let you drown. Have fun down there with the fishes!"

He skipped back to the rides.

 

~ ~ ~

 

One hour later, Vy had his arms crossed and frowning while he was on the front row of an empty rollercoaster. It dipped down and spun in a circle but Vy remained in the same position, pouting. The rollercoaster had been his favorite, while En had preferred the carnival games.

Damnit, why wasn't this any fun now!?

He looked over at the empty seat next to him. When they were both on the rollercoaster, En had been terrified, the pathetic little shit. They'd tried not to show it, but they were wide-eyed and frozen like a statue as the rollercoaster climbed up the first peak. Then halfway through the ride they'd been clutching at Vy's arm and shrieking like a girl. Vy had laughed and laughed, and gotten a photograph from the kiosk at the bottom of the ride. There were no workers or any other people at all in the amusement park, but a little machine had printed out an image of En and Vy. Vy looked great, as usual, his hair windswept and his facial expression cool and relaxed, and En looked like an idiot with their eyes all bugged out and screaming.

At the carnival games, En had preferred the archery and firearm ones, showing off their aim as if that was something impressive. Vy had rolled his eyes. If En was going to show off in front of Vy, couldn't they at least pick something more _interesting_ to be good at? Vy yawned when En whooped at each prize and hugged various stuffed animals to themself, leaving the biggest stuffed teddy bears behind in a trail as they continued throughout the park, because they couldn't carry them all and Vy refused to help.

In the end they'd only kept a small green frog with sharp teeth and red eyes. Its synthetic fur was soft, and almost the same color as Vy's hair.

Walking throughout the park now, Vy could see En's winnings scattered all over the park grounds. They hadn't disappeared yet. A giant teddy bear with a bow on its head sat next to the shooting station, a yellow dog with a cartoonish grin was lying in the middle of the pathway in front of the basketball hoops.

And there, up ahead, was the archery one, where En had gotten the little green frog. There were rows of the things lined up all along the wall, but En hadn't wanted to be smart and just steal them, no, they wanted to _win_ them. And then that stupid smile lit up their face when the robotic announcement told them they had a perfect score.

Vy snatched one of the little frogs off the shelf and glared at it.

The one En had was probably ruined now, the fur all soaked with sea salt at the bottom of the ocean. Vy pictured En down there, probably crying or something dumb like that, clutching the little toy frog to themself and not knowing how to get back to the surface.

Vy exhaled with frustration. He looked back up at the rollercoaster. It just...it wasn't any fun anymore, not when he was alone. He didn't understand why.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The seagulls called each other overhead at the pier. The sun still sparkled on the water. And Vy stalked along the edge, fuming.

"Do I really have to come get you? You couldn't figure this out on your own?" He walked back a few steps, prepared to jump. "It's easy, you dumb fuck! Just turn into something bigger!"

He took a running leap and dived headfirst, elegant as always, the water barely disturbed by his entrance.

For a moment, all was calm on the pier. Until an enormous serpent exploded from the waves, with En between its jaws.

It deposited En onto the deck of the pier, letting them gasp and choke up water. While En coughed for breath, Vy transitioned back into his preferred shape, one hand on his hip, perfectly dry and free of aquatic life this time. He had to keep up appearances around his rival, after all.

"So you're a big baby who doesn't know how to swim. That's not embarrassing at ALL. Ha!"

"Shut up," En wheezed. They collapsed onto their back and stared up at the blue sky. 

Vy sighed and picked up a little frog from the dock, throwing it onto En's chest. "Would you hurry up and come on already, I want to go on the Sky Dragon again."

En blinked at the frog, looking once at Vy, and then back to the frog. They seemed to be in shock. Their hand came up to touch its new dry fur.

They squawked when Vy got impatient and grabbed their hand to start dragging them back to the amusement park. The wood of the pier splintered under En's weight, but Vy showed no signs of slowing. He wanted a buddy, and this was what God or whatever had chosen to stick him with. So be it.


	7. Art




	8. Cuddles

En yawned and stretched like a cat. Their four hind legs straightened while their back arched and the four front legs stretched out, claws extending. 

They turned around in a circle, three times, and flopped down on the ground.

They yawned again, big white pillar teeth on full display. 

Blinking once, heavily, they lowered their head onto their two front paws, curled up the other six legs, and fell asleep with a sigh.

 

~ ~ ~

 

They weren't sure what woke them up, but a few hours later they raised their head, startled to find themself in a different position. At some point in the night Vy had come to join them. His snake-dragon body had curled around them, acting as a pillow underneath En's head, and wrapped once around En's torso.

Four of En's own legs were hugging Vy's cylindrical body like a teddy bear.

The flares on either side of Vy's face puffed out with each exhale when he slept, and the soft edges brushed against En's jaw.

En frowned. Why on earth had Vy decided to nap with En like this? But they had to admit, this position was...comfortable. En huffed, and laid their head back down on Vy's body. The muscles underneath his scales were firm but pliable enough to be a suitable cushion. And it was nice to lie on their side and hug something, it made their spine feel better.

En wondered if Vy had arranged them like this, or whether he'd just come to sleep next to En and they'd both ended up like this on their own.

 

~ ~ ~

 

A dream...they must be dreaming...because it wasn't possible for Vy to be sitting on their lap like this, letting them touch him all over. Vy would never straddle En's legs, never be on his knees like this. He would never arch his back under En's palm, and he would never, ever, let En's hands wander down to the curve of his bottom and curiously explore. 

En traced the edge of Vy's tiny shorts. They smoothed their hands up and down Vy's thighs, before coming back up to his rump and squeezing. Vy's thighs were so much rounder than En's, his whole body was softer. He'd chosen not to have any visible muscles, and the effect was that he became so much prettier like this.

En began to reconsider their own shape for a split second before deciding, no, they liked their muscles. They liked their undercut, and they liked the length of their shorts. They wouldn't change anything about their appearance.

But as their hands traced up Vy's back and sank into the luxurious green tresses, they wondered what made Vy so desirable. What was it about thick hair and smooth skin that made En want to get closer to Vy, want to hold him and kiss him?

Vy rested his elbows on En's shoulders, linking his hands together behind En's back. A little smirk curved up the edge of his mouth. His lips looked so delicate, so touchable, so...

En's eyes closed in surprise when Vy's lips came down on theirs.

It didn't feel like anything. It was just a dream. En couldn't actually feel the texture of Vy's hair, or the surface of his soft skin, they could only see it all from memory — and want it so bad they could almost believe they were touching it.

But even though Vy's lips tasted like nothing, En still felt happy, and they smiled into the kiss, laughing despite themself. They were even happier when Vy laughed too, when he came closer and their shoulders bumped together, laying tiny nothing kisses on En's cheek.

 

~ ~ ~

 

When En's eyes opened, they looked over at Vy. They were both still in their bigger forms.

Vy had moved a bit, and now his flared jaw was resting directly against En's cheek. En could feel little puffs of warm breath on his neck. 

En...didn't want to disturb him.

They stretched out just a little bit, just their hind legs, and flopped their tail over to the other side. Their four front paws held Vy closer, and En felt it when Vy snuggled his face further down into the crook of En's neck.


	9. Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (After a fight in their bigger forms! They are looking over at Greed, who is also present in the afterlife)


End file.
